FunnyMisfit

Rugby player: “Doctor, doctor, every morning when I get up and look in the
mirror - I feel like throwing up. What’s wrong with me?”

Doctor: “I don’t know, but your eyesight is perfect.”

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A man went to the doctor one day and said:

“I’ve just been playing Rugby and when I got back I found that when I touched
my legs, my arms, my head, my tummy and everywhere else, it really hurt.”

So the doctor said: “You’ve broken your finger.”

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A man and his son are in a car accident and are rushed to the hospital. But
when he’s wheeled into the OR, the doctor looks at the boy and says “I can’t
operate on this boy! He’s my son!”

Who’s the doctor?

His mother.

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An old man and an old lady went in the doctor’s office to get their yearly
exam. The doctor came in and started to get some information from them. He then
told the old man that he needed to have a stool sample and a urine sample. The
old man turned to the old lady and asked her what the doctor said.
“He needs a pair of your underwear.”

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Q. What kind of accident did the proctologist have?

A. He was rear-ended!

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There was a man who got into a car accident. He was soon rushed to the
hospital.

The left side of his body was completely paralyzed.

The doctor said, “He was going to be all right.”

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A guy walks into a doctor’s office. He has a sausage coming out of his ear, a
waffle coming out of his nose, and bacon coming out of his other ear. He says
worriedly, “Doc, what’s wrong with me?!?”

The doctor replies, ”You’re not eating properly.”

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This old lady went to a doctor’s office and told him that she has bad gas, but
you can’t smell it or hear it. So the doctor gives her two pills and tells her
take them and come back tomorrow. She came back and said that you can’t hear the
gas but now you can smell it. Then the doctor says, “Good now we can work on
your hearing.”

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Bertha was worried about her husband George, so one day she took him to the doctor’s. As the doctor called George in and looked him over, George began insisting, “There’s nothing wrong with me. I know because God takes care of me.”

“What do you mean?” asked the doctor.

“Well,” George responded, “when I go to the bathroom he turns the light on and off.”

The doctor decided he had better talk to both George and his wife, so he calls Bertha into the room and begins to explain, “George says God turns the light on and off for him when he goes to the bathroom. Is it true that –”

“DAMMIT, George!” Bertha bursts out, “How many times do I have to tell you not to piss in the fridge?”

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There once was a very distraught woman, who was upset because she had not had
a date in quite some time. She decided she would seek the medical expertise of
Dr. Kayoto, the very well-known Japanese sex therapist. After stepping into his
office and explaining her problem, he asked her to take off all her clothes.

“Now,” he said. “Get down and craw reery reery srory to odder side of room.”

The woman did.

“Now,” he said. “Now craw reery reery fass back to me.” The woman did. The Dr.
looked at her mournfully and said “I very sully. Your problem very bad, you have
Ed Zachery Disease.”

“Ed Zachery Disease? What’s that?”

“Very sad. It’s when your face rook Ed Zachery rike your ass.”

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